today was that sometimes.
and no. I'm not holding back.
I understand that you have every right to say things to me, you have 20 years' right to say it right to me. whatever you want, it's your choice. But out of these 20 years, i haven't heard one thing from you that shows you admit you're wrong. You really really think that all of what you have to say is completely true? that it's faultless? i don't think so. but either way.. you're right about most things. i hear what you have to say about it all. I hate that you have to yell it to get it out there, or wait to say it. It would be nice to have it piece by piece, WHEN THE TIME COMES FOR IT TO BE NEEDED. But i can't ask for everything, it's no perfect day in the neighborhood. and I'm sure it's my fault it's not that way. but you taught me the way you were supposed to. sometimes it's hard to know just that is all you know you can do. yeah i DO know there is a lot wrong, but I'm not giving up because it IS wrong, I'm staying here for that reason. you can learn so much from a situation where something is wrong and you stay there to fix it the best you can and learn from what was wrong. in the end, that's the thing that draws you closer
you, are complicated. but beautiful. a lot of things to work on.but it's the same here. I have just as much. only reason i have this much stuff to work on is because you showed it. in both of us. the one thing that i think can help> humility in you. but for me, i need to be less stupid. I'm sure if you ask anyone that KNOWS me can say that I am stupid sometimes. i don't know why i am. I always have been on the single side of life. I do things on my own, parks, movies, walks, trips. that's just how I've been because I was always too shy and nerdy to find anyone to do it with me. now that i have plenty of people to do it with, i guess you could call it too late. I'm that way, I've grown into it. it's what I revert to, not as a defense, but as a comfort. after I talk when I know i need to talk. after I fix the problem i caused. maybe it's a bad thing I do that, but I like my nature time. nature is my getaway. that's basically all I need. trees, mountains, animals, danger, adventure, speed, risk. it's the stuff men were made for.
you, i must say are... something else. I get mad(frustrated, angry, etc.) at people PRETTY rarely, so it may not be much to say this, but i don't see myself mad at you every really. but I did get a little unhappy with what happened today. I mean, i really wish you would have waited just 13 minutes for me. The one person I could talk to about this without some sort of lashing out has to walk out on me when I'm right in the middle of it all. I didn't think 13 minutes would have indicated I'm neglecting you, i was trying. But those 13 minutes turned out to be me treating you bad and showing that I'm on my phone constantly? sorry, i it happened again, i'd still take the call. In a nice way, i want you to know I would have waited. hours if I needed to. but maybe that's just me, i don't think that's normal for people cause I don't see it anywhere.
2 people i know will be there for me
God- forever and ever
Dakoda- as long as God gives him. even though he is a grouch.
