It takes a lot

It takes a lot out of a man to tell him that the one thing he spent so much time trying to raise and grow and allow it to get better, failed. It takes more out of him when it's said that it's because he's too weak. The essence of a man, from what God has shown us, is strength and protection, among other things. These near the top of the list and they are what drives him to do the smallest of things for other people and how he interacts. And when entering a relationship with someone of a very close nature, nearing that of marriage, it takes a lot out of a man when what he knows his own strength and ability to protect isn't what he thought at all. One day he's the 12 inch thick steel armor protecting millions of dollars of valuables, and the next he can do no more than paper would do.

I am that man. I spent years trying to work on something that may have well been doomed from the start. Here I was, thinking i was someone that could save my girl from anything. ANYTHING because i was a man. i would fight till my body was spent. but.. now i see i didn't. How could i not see it? She told me, was I that stubborn? It all just feels so hokey. Like i had to protect her from herself. I didn't want to do that, it wouldn't be worth it, right? I would have been the shepherd just stopping the sheep from going to the wolves. The sheep would not have loved me, they wanted the wolves, not knowing who they really were. but once again I'm conflicted... love conquers all. Even though she still would have gone to them, it was still my job to protect her. That's what love is, expecting nothing in return. Expecting even pain sometimes. That's what I'm here to learn. Dear God, help me love more than i ever have before. Love so much that it baffles the world, even your other children. Even her.

It takes a lot to know what real love consists of.
It takes a lot to get there, even through the crushing pain.