The one that just won't seem to get away

So here we are. years from where we started. and it's not gotten far at all, but i know i tried. I can look back to what feelings you gave me, what feelings you had toward me. It was all really cool at the time. I still like thinking about it, knowing it gave me the experience that i ... "needed" for what i have now. I know that's not true, i just like to think it is. I never really needed you for anything to learn about relationships, but then does anyone? We don't need experiences to learn how the last one is going to end, it didn't start that way. But I can say that i'm so thankful for the person i can be, at least in my own head, towards you. This was I can learn love through an experience, just not the love that you think you have had so many times in life already... at 15.You and i had a relationship just like any relationship you have had since then. It had no roots anywhere, so it fell. Which i am pretty happy for (i would never say that to you). My more than willing job now is to be there for you. In as many ways as i can without crossing boundaries, time-wise, or something like that. I can barely tell you i love you because you only want to hear the bf/gf love. I love you like i love people that are close to me. Not my parents, not Jamie, but someone i want so so much to simply be a part of your life. You told me the other night, that you don't know if you could have me a part of your life because you fall so hard and so fast for boys. And that's where we stand now. Before, it was some boy that didn't like me because he was simply a little jerk and felt threatened because i was so important to you before. (i can't believe he actually brainwashed you into thinking what he did. i was the bad guy for every part of your relationship with nash even though i did what you asked. i didn't fight with him. and i stopped talking to you. because you asked. that was hard.) Before him it was because it was just weird after you didn't want me anymore. It's just not easy, this back and forth. But I can honestly say that I've been there the whole time. I've never stopped wanting you. At the beginning i wanted you LIKE THAT. but since then i've just wanted you for who you are. You're chelsea. You're just one of my favorites no matter what you do. You can push me away, forget me, whatever your little will desires. but for love's sake, i can't go away. i can't ever (quote) "LOVE" you like how we started, because that never was my role for you. I'm with the person that i know loves me and that love won't go away because of her feelings, like yours will. One of the definitions for true love is giving everything you can and expecting nothing in return. That's me with you. except i can expect something in return. being forgotten, disliked, unwanted... that's what i feel like. Chelsea i love you. No feelings, no girl, no experience could make me not love you anymore. Sis.